From firstname.lastname@example.org Wed Jul 9 18:53:52 1997
Subject: Preserving my psychic fluids
To: email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org (Jennifer Zamora-Schmidt),
email@example.com (Kirsten Anderson),
firstname.lastname@example.org (Geoff Clarke)
As most of you already know, I received a magic talisman from France's greatest psychic, whom I saw advertising in a recent Weekly World News. I did not reply to her original letter, but below is the text of my reply to her follow-up letter. The most colorful terms are taken verbatim from her letter.
Dear Ms. Chamfort,
I regret that I have not responded sooner to your offer of a detailed reading and bonus gifts, and I was in turn saddened to hear that my inaction had saddened you. This probably makes me look like a terrible ingrate after your long letter, the free talisman, and your very generous discount off your normal rate. I imagine it is particularly frustrating when you don't hear back from someone who's letter emanates the kind of psychic fluid that you detected in mine. And I also realize that for a relative nobody like me to not even send in a questionaire and paltry $29.95 for the time of the most gifted medium of our era with all you have to do, well it probably makes me look darn stupid to boot.
I promise I will understand if a person as busy as you must be does not have the time to deal with the particular problems I am about to relate. I can only hope that that you will bear with me before it is too late (as you noted, the upcoming period of enormous fortune for me might be the last of my lifetime), and then when my luck changes I will be able to make it up to you.
Here is my problem: My wife and I always consult each other on any important decision. In this instance, while I am very eager to follow up with a reading, my wife is currently against it because of a string of bad fortune that she suspects was caused by the talisman. I have to admit that it does seem like I've had unusually bad luck since receiving the talisman and that its ultra-protective powers have been ineffective for some reason. The day after I got it I suffered a severe ankle injury while playing sports. After that I got a very bad hand injury from a dog bite, our cat Whistles ran away, my wife's Aunt Shirley backed into our car causing about $3500.00 damage, and I have won absolutely nothing with any of my Lotto tickets. This has all happened in the space of about five weeks!
I realize I still have my family and it could have been worse, but Alexis, my wife, believes that the talisman is bringing us bad luck for some reason. She even commented that some of the cosmic symbols look kind of Satanic. Can you determine what is wrong? I followed your instructions closely. I put it in my wallet for money (I am happily married again so I don't need it for love at the moment) and made sure no one else touched it. Of course this was only after I received it in the mail -- do you think a postal service worker could have handled it in a way that damaged it with the negative waves you warned about? Is it possible to replace it? And if you think the first talisman is really causing us this misfortune, how can we safely get rid of it?
And one more question -- and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I have to ask for my wife: Can you assure us that use of the talisman does not go against our family's Christian beliefs? I don't think it does, but we have both accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior and we try our best to follow in His footsteps. I've told Alexis that Jesus loves us and wants us to do well and be able to have some nice things, but she is just really nervous about it (I don't want her to seem prejudiced because she's not but I think this is partly because you are French).
I assure you I want to find out about that period of enormous good fortune and my lucky numbers more than just about anything in the world. We have a lot of dreams and I would love to be able to quit my job (there are several very mean people I have to work with every day) and maybe buy a boat. But I value my honest relationship with my wife above all else (except God), so I have to have these answers and her support before we start using your services.
I hope that this letter again emanates my psychic fluid, and that you can tell my sincerity from it. I'm sorry to impose on you like this. I can tell you that I am not a selfish person and that as soon as my luck changes and we start to get more money that I will want to provide a generous portion to you, so that you can continue your work with some other people who are like us and down on their luck. In any case, thank you for your letters and your kind thoughts.